| Mar. 6th, 2007 @ 10:42 am I'm venting... try not to be offended. |
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Current Mood:  annoyed
I went to visit my sister over the weekend. She is currently studying at Capernwray, a bible school in NSW near Bowral. As we dropped her off on Sunday afternoon I was sitting on her bed flicking through various boks they have asked her to read. One book in particular cught my attention.
'Authentic Beauty' by Leslie Ludy
There are many books that I dislike. Some don't interest me others I feel don't add anything. That said, the way I feel about a piece of writing is not law, others may interpret and use it differently. This book, I decided, was damaging. Many will disagree - for it also has merits that I am willing to admit - but the underlying message of this book is something I think society today can do without.
From what I could glean in my short time this a book geared towards young women struggling with relationships, emotionally and physically. The book argues that only once you've successfully found a relationship with God can you experience human love in its truest and purest way. Of course it didn't help my impressions when she chose to refer to the Holy Trinity as 'her Prince' or 'heavenly Lover' - I am NOT really excited by this new trend in referring to God in these terms. That said, I understand that these writers are merely trying to express the intimacy of relationship with God; still, I prefer the expression of intimacy in actions rather than words which have taken on connotations that can be distracting from the author's meaning. My point is, I take little issue with her terminology except to say that I will not adopt it.
In defence of this piece, I appreciate that she has taken and admirably candid voice to a topical issue for young women and young people. Relationships seem to consume so much time (too much time?) and rarely do we consider a Godly perspective on them, and she is trying to bring God back into the picture. Some might take issue with this arguing that you don't need God to know what love is. I disagree but the point is that she is advocating a different priority in relationships with the hope that it leads to a healthier relationships, more satisfying personal life.
What is my problem, then?
The book is divided into four parts each ending with an 'application' chapter, which is called 'Future Husband Application'.
I freely admit I have issues with this, having many friends getting married at the moment. For reasons that seem peculiar to the Christian communuity, many get married very early. A product of this is that those who aren't married by 26 feel as though they must and single, 26+ women in churches are easily identifiable as...well I'd hate to insult anyone. Why is that we are geared towards finding husband? Is 'a woman of noble character' a wife? Between the pressure to find a partner and the excitement when that person shares your beliefs and values - leading you to believe that they MUST be 'the one' because the chances to find another are so slim - and the teaching to avoid temptation by getting married and a tendency to take yourself very seriously.
I don't feel that this is limited to this book. More is done to celebrate being in a relationship thatn the opportunities afforded by single-ness. It wasn't until I met and spoke to a youth worker/pastor at St Judes in Carlton that I was even truly made aware of how good it was to be single. Of course, I understood advantages but she viewed her position as not only a choice but also an opportunity to be in a position of freedom (either to work or to take on the role of confidante or family to an extent not available if a wife and mother). Still, the idea of being single is thought to be a rejection and not a choice, or it is a failure and not a strength, it is something to rectify and not pursue.
The author, after many failed relationships, chose to avoid any relationship until she was sure that she had found her future husband in an attempt to respect him but remaining both physically and emotionally pure. She regards her previous atempts at love as done to gain social approval and personal approval that she could be wanted and loved. Fine, I respect that, I suppose to an extent I've made similar choices - in the end, why pursue or even continue a relationship where the question is not whether or not it will end, but rather WHEN it will end? I suppose I'm against wasting my time. Does that mean that we devalue past relationships and the lessons that they teach? Is loveing someone other than your future husband a betrayal of that future relationship? Or a disrespect? Or a failure to trust that God will provide a life partner in his time? Isn't it possible that God teaches us through the people he puts in our lives? Including exes? Be selective in your relationships is no doubt a very valid point - I have no doubt that each relationship that ends must to a degree take its toll and errode away at us - but how many of us know enough about ourselves and what we want to be THAT selective?
This is really secondary to the thisng that really frustrates me, which is that a focus on marriage at this young age is damaging and unhelpful. I should say that I am victim to this obsession with being with someone, and who can say how I would cope without it? Let me try to be clear, I support my friends' decision to get married as much as it kinda freaks me out because I think you take that step when you're ready and when it's right for you. I view age and financial position and career prospectives and stages in life etc as informing, rather than determining, factors. That my role and position in life is to be a wife, that it is something that I ought to aspire to, is abhorrent. That there is so much out there validating the notion that one's relationships are a fundamental means for evaluating life and personla achievement is the reason our priorities are skewed to an over-sexed society fed by insecurites. |
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